We really are top of the flops!

By Lee Ryder on Jul 11, 07 10:47 AM

Well Sam Allardyce can't really do much worse can he?

Or at least that's what the rest of the country thinks about our transfer market history and most Toon fans simply have to agree with them when it comes to the Times' recent poll on the 20 worst ever players to play in the Premiership.

This lot somehow slipped through the net for the original worst ever top 50 but United figure prominently in the latest fix of rubbish players.

Newcastle have always been a very easy target for critics to throw the knives at.

Whether it's 38 trophy-less years, shocking managers, player behaviour, schoolboy defending, our own players fighting with each other on the pitch, our own fans being slated for buying shirts at their own club, we always get it with both barrels!

But as much as you try to defend your corner when it comes to Toon players you will find it difficult to disagree with this lot.

Here we go.

We don't mess about with any entries in the top 20, it's just top 10 stuff for the Mags!

Here is my personal take on the worst we've ever had.

So after Arsenal's Pascal Cygan, in at number 9 is Fumaca, perhaps the only South American who couldn't kick a football!

Somehow coach Mick Wadsworth thought it would be a good idea to sign a player for Newcastle who'd been rejected by Colchester and Crystal Palace and somehow Bobby Robson agreed!

Fully justified as a top 10 entry this one!

Liverpool flop Djimi Traore, Boro reject Paul Okon and Liverpool clown Bruno Cheyrou (who we still managed to let score twice against us in the FA Cup to dump us out) then provide the filling between Fumaca and the next Toon flop, a certain JDT.

Jon Dahl Tommasson comes in at number 5 and was a player Newcastle couldn't seem to get the best out of!

However, everyone else could!

Indeed spells at Feyenoord, AC Milan, VfB Stuttgart and now Villareal proved he could cut the cloth in most of the top Leagues in Europe, suggesting we should have kept him.

Some people suggest the chance he missed on his debut against Sheff Wed destroyed his confidence and it was all down hill from there and they are probably spot on.

From here on in it's a case of NUFC all the way.

At four, it's Silvio Maric.

A highly skilled Croatian international signed by crazed Dutchman Ruud Gullit.

First Croat to play in an FA Cup final and marked it by missing a sitter at the end in the 2-0 loss against Man U.

Mind you we did get two goals against FC Zurich out of the £3.3million deal for a Maric made in hell, oh well!

Next is Marcelino, the funny looking Spanish defender.

Another Gullit purchase, and at the bargain price of just £5.8million from Real Mallorca.

He once found himself in hot water for biting Dennis Wise in a Cup Winners Cup tie in his Mallorca days but proved to be a bottler at Newcastle, spending months on the sidelines with a broken finger, sums it up really, oh and he had a dodgy goatee beard too.

Finally for the top slot, well it was so close they picked up a joint finish.

Step forward defensive clowns Titus Bramble and Jean Alain Boumsong.

Bramble is now at Wigan with the rugby league loving public unaware of what's ahead at the JJB Stadium.

Misplaced passes, no concentration whatsoever and no appreciation of the fact that getting beat in a Newcastle United shirt means keeping a low profile the night after a game, as opposed to parading round the Toon's pubs and clubs as if you are actually Zidane!

And Boumsong, thanks to the UK for reminding us about the £8million man.

Never has money been wasted so badly in defence than here, he even edges out Marcelino for gods sake!

What can you say?

He made his debut against Yeading and looked comfortable, other than that he looked out of his depth and we lost loads of money when selling him to Juventus.

Amazingly considered a French international.

But his walk of shame around St James' Park after being sent off against Liverpool was really the moment when his number was up, a few months before being shown the door at SJP.

All in all, embarrassing reading for the Toon Army.

For more read:


Paul Patterson said:

In the modern era, Newcastle United have got signing donkeys down to a fine art.

We have the Boumsong's, Bramble's, Marcelino's amongst others, but these players are so bleeding obvious it's untrue.

Certainly Marcelino will go down as the text book example.

I'd throw in as waste's of money from the last decade luminaries such as: Dyer, Luque, Owen, Barton (Warren) Guivarch, Andersson, Bassedas, Babayaro, Carr.

Many have come, like Ferguson and Ketsbaia, who I wouldn't have touched for his fitness record and basically being pants respectively, but at least we got good return from the pair and they both showed a reasonable degree of loyalty.

I firmly believe that our days of just chucking money around like confetti, are over, Allardyce has vastly improved the squad and is in profit thus far.

Side of shame for the decade:


Stinker subs:

jackie w said:

Bad players? i was going to be clever and sit and make a list of all the bum buys we have had but as i have only got half an hour for my lunch i will skip that, but like most of you who are reading this I was all behind your Fumacas and Vianas even your Gavilans and Bassedas telling all the blokes who i came accross down the country that these were south american superstars who would set the premier league on fire with magical skills never seen on these shores even after watching some of these jokers i would still defend them and quote they needed a season to adjust but as we all know they were never going to make it in black and white .This repeated itself with umpteen players signed by umpteen managers but the straw that broke the donkeys back was Boumsong , even in my alcohol fueled rants i could not defend (excuse the pun ) him as he really took the biscuit so to be number one donkey is about right.I only hope the Jon DT situation does not repeat itself with that shower down the road look to be signing Chops.

Big Bad Bob said:

Carl Cort, anyone?

"the funny looking Spanish defender." Lousy attitude, but you ought to take a look in the mirror before you resort to personal abuse as a form of criticism.

Ian Teasdale said:

I agree with Jackie W, Boumsong has to be the worst excuse for a player ever to disgrace the black and white shirt.
I know this will have its own talking point but if Chops does sign for the Mackens and ONLY IF, it will be a very sad day on Tyneside. The flags should be lowered to half mast.
The only plus point is AT LEAST HE'S GOT 2 GOALS AT THE STADIUM OF LIGHT BEFORE THE SEASONS EVEN BEGUN LOL, that's another record for the Mackems.
I only hope IF he does sign he has a clause in his contract not to play in derbies.

Hugh Gallagher said:

But even better than that, what about Martins? This cheeky sod is actually meeting up with Big Sam on Friday to discuss his future at the club and, it is alleged that if he does stay he wants to be on the same money as Michael Owen! Over £100,000 a week for what? So he looks like little boy lost every week! How can players renegotiate their contracts? It's obscene! Had he pulled up a hundred trees last term all well and good, but you can count all his best games on two fingers: AZ at home and Spurs away. Please Arsene, trigger the clause and while you're on take the declining Owen with him!

Colin P said:

Barton? One of our worst buys? Absolute rubbish. Gave 100% in every game & although he was'nt the best right back we've ever had - name me a better one in the last 10 years.

Archie Brand said:

I can only assume that there's something in the smog thats blown up the road from 'Boro that messes with the minds of Newcastle's managers.

Of course there is always the possibility that the managers were not making the transfer decisions, but maybe someone on the board who was there for the whole period - and maybe they were just no good at it.
Lets face it - what are the odds that so many Newcastle Managers would get it so wrong when it comes to signings?

Now theres a thought!

Take a step forward, board member, and own up.

Paul Patterson said:

Colin, I'll support any player that gives 100% every game, but didn't Boumsong give 100% every game?

I believe he did, but he was simply awful.

Warren Barton bless him was comical in his defending, watch any match highlights when a winger runs at him, he backs off, turns himself, backs off again, then turns again and before you know it were 0-1 down.

As a person I can't begin to criticise him, but as a defender for £4.5m?

Oh Dear, not Kevin's finest buy, but I did put him on the bench, Carr's far worse.

Chris Wall said:

What about Frank Dumas another Ruud Gullitt special. Then we had other delights such as Carl Serrant and the hugely overweight Gary Brady, not forgetting Diego Gavillan who apparently was unstoppable in training.

Neil B said:

Has everyone forgot about Rob McDonald, the 6ft 2" centre forward who used to jump 5ft 4"? Frank Pingel, Pat Heard, Albert Craig, Mike Larnach etc etc. There's so many. Oh the memories.

Genghiz said:

And I was just going to praise Mr. Allardyce as a great recruiter. If Habib Beye would have gone to St. James, Mr. Allardyce would have been near 100%.

Big Bad Bob said:

Des Hamilton!
Wayne Quinn?!

Brian Strand said:

It can go wrong for defirent reasons. Obvious if the player are not good enough, or in Jon Dahl Tommasons case the manager don`t understand the players qualiti and use him in a wrong possition. If he had played together and not instead of Alan Shearer it could have worked.

Brian Strand said:

It can go wrong for defirent reasons. Obvious if the player are not good enough, or in Jon Dahl Tommasons case the manager don`t understand the players qualiti and use him in a wrong possition. If he had played together and not instead of Alan Shearer it could have worked.

joal said:

hey luque has never got a fair chance...and viana was never played in his favoured position

John Winter said:

Oh, the fantasy world of the Newcastle fan, with his instant knee-jerk assassination of the integrity of professional players! There was one very good reason why Tomasson failed in Newcastle and succeeded brilliantly everywhere else (including for Denmark against England) and that was the bone-headed, short-sighted, ludicrously impatient Newcastle fans, who started jeering his every move from about game 3. It's those same fans who cheerfully wreck the confidence of young players and make it virtually certain that we will never win anything.

Titus Bramble is a decent, hard-working dedicated professional with a concentration problem. But I'm willing to bet that as he matures he will do well at Wigan, and, like so many others, particularly when they play us. What odds Chopra to score at SJP this season?

M Green said:

A bit unfair I think. Marcelino gave 100% for this club every week he was here.

20% on monday, 15% on tuesday, wednesday & thursday, 25% on Friday (Bigg market training session) & 5% on Saturday & Sunday. =)

Des Hamilton and Mike Hooper were the worst signings for me.

But at least we didn't sign George Weah's brother who couldn't kick a ball. No mention of that in the times but surely that was the worst signing ever?

Neil said:

Hugo Viana!!!!!!! 9 million quid - and isnt it true we turned the chance of signing Cristiano Ronaldo for an extra 2 million down in favour of the little long haired failure Need we say anymore

Ed Whitfield said:

Have we all forgotten about Ameobi? It seems as if all the managers in the past 10 years have ignored how bad he really is, and done the same. He just keeps his head down and survives every new broom sweeping clean, and to cap it all,every new manager gives him glowing reports.Are they seeing something that 50,000 mags can't see?

funlovingexpress said:

Pat Heard was the worst evr followed by Ian mcdoughnut or was it mcdonugh. George reilly, Tony Cunningham, Billy Whitehurst, Kenny Wharton (and he stayed 10 years) weren't much better.

Gatto Morto said:

The list missed out one of the biggest flop of all (relative to what was expected) and the continuing curse on NUFC that is Shearer. Lots of promise but he never could quite do it for Newcastle or England at crunch times. He lacked the bottle and when things went wrong he always claimed it was the fault of somebody else. What I remember is how poor he was in his cup final appearances. In 1998 he did hit the post but missed a sitter (reason was that his brawn won out over his brain). In 1999 he just wandered around forlornly hoping the ball would come near to him. And having been a curse on the managers he played for he continues to be curse on managers after supposedly retiring. Poor old Sam won't need outside enemies to sink him! One day Shearer will return to lead his beloved club but it will be into more obscurity that Roeder could ever have managed to engineer. But after more wasted millions, will anybody suggest sacking him or dare tell him that there is nobody else who can be blamed that time? My brother Smokey says we should start watching rugby next season to avoid further disappointments.

paul rogers said:

Liverpool flop Djimi Traore holds a Champions league winning medal after he played in a winning champions league final and cleared off the line in a historic win in Istanbul!

Even our flops are succesful!

smithy said:

Big Sam hell do a good job
for newcastle till he gets
fed up.Viduka not ready for
11th aug,geordie boyz be very worried.But cant wate
for you BARCOADES to come to

s pearson said:

my god,looking back it seems the only thing world class about us is our managers penchants for luring **** to SJP .......i was guilty at the time for believing the hype surrounding bassedas arrival who allegedly turned out for argentina about 10 times(rubbish),and watching him score a piledriver from 3 inches against chelsea away...then on him leaving these shores a failure i read an article saying he only came to the toon cos he likes acdc and ex geordie front man brian johnston.....sounds about right.. The legend that is boumsong cannot be the worst in the prem though can he? gotta be George Weahs cousin Ali Dia,the phonecall,the debut as a sub....getting subbed....the manager,the man who signed luque,boumsong,got rid of bellamy....the common denominator...SOUNESS....**** as a manager everywhere and since slagged us off in the press. Dennis Wise bit marcelino by the way....not hard favourite toon flops are fumaca,bassedas,maric,pingel,hamilton,marcelino,boumsong,hooper,pamela andersson...and remember the dalglish signing of brian pinas....Currently,and i may be out of order here,cos hes only a kid and he may improve and i shouldnt really av a go but i cannot help thinking Matty Pattison has a touch of the Des Hamiltons about him....

Paul Patterson said:

(SIGH) Smithy, if you could SPELL Barcodes, I'd actually give you some credit.

Gatto Morto, or whoever the hell you are, Shearer the biggest flop, please see a doctor, and fast, as Im worried that your even allowed out on the streets.

I don't know if you are a Newcastle Fan, but I'd rather you packed it in if you are, we don't need you there Saturday 3pm.

Alan Shearer came home to do one thing, score goals, he scored 206 goals and saved our skin more often than not.

Football is a team game.

Is it his fault that Dalglish sold half of the best strike force we've had
in the last 30 years?

Is it his fault that Sir Bobby signed Bramble, Cort, Carr to name but three?

Is it his fault that some idiot thought it would be a good idea to appoint a manager who previously said he was "the most overrated player he'd ever seen"?

Is it his fault that some stupid scotsman liked playing seven in midfield half the time?

Is it not true that we got to various European semi finals and a few F.A. Cup semi's and finals, and finished in a third and fourth spot (THEN DIDN'T STRENGHTHEN THE SQUAD)?

Is it not true that with many a divvy defender in the back four, it was he who was on the near post heading clearence after clearence away (Doing defenders jobs for them)?

Is it his fault that two idiot's fancied recreating Rumble in the Jubgle at St James' Park in 2005?

Is it his fault that a stupid welshman liked getting into trouble once too often?

Is it not true that many a time he played through injuries that others wouldn't cry into the training ground with?

After all that if you can look at yourself and say he's been a waste of money when we have various daft spaniards, frenchmen etc, (and even Mr Owen who'd sooner play for England than Newcastle) to look back at over the last decade.

Whats next? Slagging of Shay Given I suppose!

One man doesn't make a team, correct.

But in Alan Shearer we just nearly had one. Paul.

Anonymous said:

Surley guivarch and des hamiliton. It was dalglish that made my blood boil. He completely desimated keegans team. Losin ferdinand, tino, and watson and replacing them with ketsbaia, guivarch and gary brady. The biggest loss was david batty tho, a true performer. I think whats most tellin was the succession of terrible managers signed by the shepards. Forced out kk, then put in dalglish, gullit, and souness its crazy.


Lee Ryder

Lee Ryder - Proudly born and bred on Tyneside, the Chronicle's chief sports writer has followed the fortunes of the club over the last three decades as a Toon fan and football writer.

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