No manager, an AWOL owner, no pre-season plans but at least you can buy your iron on Coca-Cola badges for a fiver!
So let's get this straight, Newcastle United are for sale, have no manager, an AWOL owner and nothing in terms of pre-season friendlies arranged or preparations sorted for a marathon 46 game dogfight in the Championship - oh but your season ticket money will be expected soon when you renewal packs come through the door in the next day or so.
And as the official clubwebsite says we can "now start to look forward" to the new season and get your Championship fixtures and sign up to the SMS service for 25p a pop!
What a bargain and while you're in the mood and you've paid the full whack for you new kit (ÃÂ£75 a go), why not snap up your iron Coca-Cola badges for just a fiver!
Nobody's sure which players to get on the back of your new top but one safe bet might be Shola Ameobi just a few months into his new deal after Joe Kinnear "persuaded" him to commit his future with a lucrative new deal.
The Profitable Group who have expressed an interest in buying the club contacted the Chronicle.
This was denied by Derek Llambias in our sister paper the Journal after he refused to take calls or respond to official interview requests through the club to react to the situation.
And when the Profitable Group came back today to confirm they were in "serious" about their plan, Llambias simply replied "no" to a request for a comment this morning.
Whether Llambias, who swung the doors open to the media again in the new year, has decided to bolt them shut again in light of a bit of stick over their refusal to appoint Alan Shearer as boss remains to be seen.
As Ashley said in January: "I gave you my word that as long as I remain owner, this club would continue to be run responsibly at all levels. I hope you will accept that I have stood by that pledge"
Well no you haven't actually.
But it has to be said, in my opinion, how much control Llambias has at St James's Park has never been up in the air more than now.
For when Mike Ashley flew out of Tyneside in his chopper over two weeks ago, the Shearer talks dried up and the deal has seemingly collapsed.
We're told that the only people Profitable are dealing with, and all other interested parties, are Seymour Pierce and Keith Harris.
Yet the way it's going, you are likely to get more sense out of Orville.
As it stands Newcastle remains a club on its knees, with little hope and no direction whatsoever.
It has to be argued that the reluctance of Ashley to appoint Shearer now is to save a few quid until July 1 when pre-season starts.
But that will be no consolation when an inferior squad are battling for Championship survival in March will it?